What Nora Thinks

“Random thoughts on Valentine’s day, 2004. Today is the holiday invented by the greeting card companies to make people feel like crap“

- Joel Barish in Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

So it is again Valentine’s day. And this 22nd Valentine’s day is special. Not special because I am curling with a boy on the couch watching movies and having popcorns. Not special because I am painting my nails pink and applying makeup because i am seeing a boy tonight. Not special because I receive flowers and chocolates in the mail from a boy who lives far far away. No. It is special because even though I have the options to make this day “special”, I decided not to. Yeah, it is special in my kind of way, the usual morbid way lol. So why am i doing this to myself?

One reason: I am enjoying my single life.

Not something you commonly expect me to say, but yes I am enjoying being alone. At least for now. When I was holidaying in Jakarta, i realised that there are so many other things that I should be worrying about, especially with the world financial crisis going on. I worried about coming back to Sydney, I worried about applying for residency, about getting a job, and a lot of other things that are real. More real than self-inflicted miseries that are caused by the thing titled relationship.

This revelation, which was supposed to make my life simpler, actually created another problem when i came back to Sydney. Thing is, when I left Sydney I just found myself being involved with a boy. A really nice boy. But yeah, even until today I cant gather the courage to tell him that I dont wanna be romantically involved with anybody. And I dont have the guts to discuss with him that I am content with seeing him when i see him, but i dont wanna give a name to what we have between us.

Anyway, by choice I am alone again this year. It is better this way. I have a friend who just broke up with the boyfriend and that landed her a trip to the ER. I have a friend who’s broken up with a boy for a year and the last time we talked about it (probably last week) was the first time I saw her drinking a beer. I have a friend who had arguments with her parents because the parents kept mentioning about her failed relationships. I know someone who apparently got pregnant, even though the boyfriend is actually someone’s husband, someone’s dad.

Of course not all of my friends are morbid. I have friends who are getting married soon. I have friends who are happy in their relationships and planning to get engaged. I have friends who have just gotten together and facing LDR but they are happy. I have my parents who have been together for 23 years, and even though they have occasional arguments and say that they can’t stand each other, they are still together and still going strong.

So yeah, happy Valentine’s day for people who are celebrating. For the singles who are actually sad about their statuses, remember that this day is not necessarily about romantic between-couples love. It’s about your love of life, your love of your job, your love of your family, your love of Elliott Smith and Tori Amos, and your love of being morbid.