Archive for Personal

Better Together

“There’s no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it’s so hard?
It’s not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we’re together

Mmmm, It’s always better when we’re together
Yeah we’ll look at the stars and we’re together
Well, it’s always better when we’re together
Yeah it’s always better when we’re together

And all of these moments
just might find their way into my dreams tonight,
But I know that they’ll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things
for tomorrow night you see
that they’ll be gone too,
too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
I’d be under the impression
i was somewhere in between
With only two,
Just me and you,
Not so many things we got to do
or places we got to be
We’ll sit beneath the mango tree, now,

Yeah It’s always better when we’re together
Mmmm, we’re somewhere in between together
Well, it’s always better when we’re together
Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together

[MmmMmmmmMmm, Mmm MMmmM]

I believe in memories
they look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
you look so pretty sleeping next to me s
But there is not enough time,
There is no, no song I could sing
and there is no combination of words I could say
but I will still tell you one thing
We’re Better together”

To do list before I die…

1. Catch Placebo live

2. Catch Radiohead live

3. Tell Dominic Howard that he was in my best dream ever

4. Get a PhD

5. Go to South Africa

6. Go to China

7. Find out about my grandma’s missing twin brother

8. Head a laboratory

9. Work with the cops somehow

10. Own a house

11. Get married

12. Have kid(s)

13. Skydive or something similar

14. Scubadive or snorkel

15. Help build a shelter home

16. Own a record store

17. Get a life insurance before I die…

thats all i can think of for now

Wrong

Oh how i long to be wrong again
To have your hand on mine
Knowing that your eyes are always on me
You’re so dear and so precious
But i know not to wrong you again

A glimpse of the past knocked on my door last night
It showed me a glimpse of the future that will never be ours
And i wonder why this self-inflicted emptiness
Hurts last night

Oh how i long to be wrong again
To be gullible enough to believe
Your whispers of eternal promises and sweet nothings
You make me laugh you make me cry
But i am tired of being wrong again

A glimpse of the past came through the window tonight
It showed me a glimpse of the future that will never be ours
And i wonder why this self-inflicted nothingness
Aches tonight

Cold shoulders
and cold fingers
Oh how i long to be wrong again

This week

I attempted my first cloning in the new lab

Got my first salary

Gave my first blood donation (good iron level, good BP, GREAT blood flow — a whole bag in 5.5 minutes) and

Went to an 80s retro club and now ended up with blisters on both feet.. what a great club and great music!


Random thoughts on Valentine’s day, 2009.

“Random thoughts on Valentine’s day, 2004. Today is the holiday invented by the greeting card companies to make people feel like crap

- Joel Barish in Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind


So it is again Valentine’s day. And this 22nd Valentine’s day is special. Not special because I am curling with a boy on the couch watching movies and having popcorns. Not special because I am painting my nails pink and applying makeup because i am seeing a boy tonight. Not special because I receive flowers and chocolates in the mail from a boy who lives far far away. No. It is special because even though I have the options to make this day “special”, I decided not to. Yeah, it is special in my kind of way, the usual morbid way lol. So why am i doing this to myself?

One reason: I am enjoying my single life.

Not something you commonly expect me to say, but yes I am enjoying being alone. At least for now. When I was holidaying in Jakarta, i realised that there are so many other things that I should be worrying about, especially with the world financial crisis going on. I worried about coming back to Sydney, I worried about applying for residency, about getting a job, and a lot of other things that are real. More real than self-inflicted miseries that are caused by the thing titled relationship.

This revelation, which was supposed to make my life simpler, actually created another problem when i came back to Sydney. Thing is, when I left Sydney I just found myself being involved with a boy. A really nice boy. But yeah, even until today I cant gather the courage to tell him that I dont wanna be romantically involved with anybody. And I dont have the guts to discuss with him that I am content with seeing him when i see him, but i dont wanna give a name to what we have between us.

Anyway, by choice I am alone again this year. It is better this way. I have a friend who just broke up with the boyfriend and that landed her a trip to the ER. I have a friend who’s broken up with a boy for a year and the last time we talked about it (probably last week) was the first time I saw her drinking a beer. I have a friend who had arguments with her parents because the parents kept mentioning about her failed relationships. I know someone who apparently got pregnant, even though the boyfriend is actually someone’s husband, someone’s dad.

Of course not all of my friends are morbid. I have friends who are getting married soon. I have friends who are happy in their relationships and planning to get engaged. I have friends who have just gotten together and facing LDR but they are happy. I have my parents who have been together for 23 years, and even though they have occasional arguments and say that they can’t stand each other, they are still together and still going strong.

So yeah, happy Valentine’s day for people who are celebrating. For the singles who are actually sad about their statuses, remember that this day is not necessarily about romantic between-couples love. It’s about your love of life, your love of your job, your love of your family, your love of Elliott Smith and Tori Amos, and your love of being morbid.

« Previous entries